Running Up That Hill
by Miranda le Ginger
Summary: Tifa cannot compete with a ghost, no matter how much she wishes to. Cloud cannot extinguish the past and Tifa cannot move on with the future. In every play, the curtain must fall. CloTi (very angsty) Cloud/Aerith (implied, one-sided)
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: I had this idea hit me smack dab in the middle of work. I penned down one scene entirely at work in a flurry, rushing home to pen it all down. It is far darker than even I intended, especially for the Fourth of July. But I am really proud of this piece at the same time. It is my first venture into Final Fantasy VII and CloTi. I am a huge fan of the pairing by the way, but the whole C/A/T triangle has my brain running for a couple of days. Cloud put Tifa through HELL in Advent Children. She obviously loves him…and he cannot let go of a ghost. It makes for an interesting story, no?

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Final Fantasy or its subsequent characters. I just really love to play with them. Wait…*awkward.*

" _Isn't the point of love to be happy? Why then do we associate it with pain?"-Miranda Davis aka Miranda Le Ginger_

 _If only the clockworks could speak  
I wouldn't be so alone  
We burn every magnet and spring  
And spiral into the unknown_

 _Somebody shine a light  
I'm frozen by the fear in me  
Somebody make me feel alive  
And shatter me~~ "_Shatter Me" by Lindsey Stirling ft. Lzzy Hale

 _Crash_. The glass mug Tifa had previously been holding had slipped from her lax fingers, smashing against the floor and exploding into thousands of tiny crystalline fragments. Cursing under her breath at the mistake, Tifa bent down to pick up the few pieces that were larger. She could sweep the smaller ones up after; the bar was closed now, anyway.

Her hand swiftly grasped the largest fragment, clutching it like a rare gem. However, the woman had underestimated just how sharp the glass was. Hissing in pain, Tifa drew her hand back after dropping the piece yet again and being treated to another shatter. Tifa brought her right hand up to her face, peering at the gash. The shard had cut clean through the thin fabric of her glove, slicing through pale flesh and leaving an oozing cut about two inches long. Tifa stared at the viscous liquid welling up in the gash, fascinated with the thin trails slowly seeping through the dark cloth and sliding down her arm. Droplets hit the ground with nary a sound, one bit caressing another medium-sized shard.

Blood was an interesting subject. Humans cannot live without the liquid; the sight of it can bring a person to their knees. When you think about it, blood is like a ruler. It may seem perfect at one moment and lull you into a false sense of security…and then the façade is up and the mask discarded. Tifa could see it all in the crimson lines dripping from her body. As the blood left her, Tifa fancied she saw the disease dripping out with it. If only love could actually leave her body as easily as blood.

 _Life would be so much simpler. No heartache…no pain. Merely existing with a purpose._ Tifa smiled, mirth and warmth equally lacking in the slight movement. Love did not have a cure. It was an infliction of the worse sort, the kind you could not wear a mask to ward off, or fight in desperation. No, once you were infected you were fucked for life. Tifa unfortunately contracted the disease, and the reason was because of one man. A man who had grown with Tifa, morphing from an innocent boy with brilliant sapphire eyes and spiky hair resembling a chocobo (Tifa had once loved the chocobo more than anything) and into the tall, handsome man wielding a gigantic sword and even spikier hair. He had also shed his innocence and boyish charm and gained an affinity for misery and self-loathing. Oh yes…Tifa Lockhart had fallen hard for Cloud Strife…and it was slowly killing her.

She could hear him, hear his heavy footfalls echo loudly in her ears, grating and heavy in her very soul. He has finally come home after days of absence. Tifa lay still, holding her breath. The sounds got louder…louder. They were deafening now, seeming to resonate within her ear canal and thrum in time with her heart. The steps faltered, almost hesitating. Tifa could see Cloud now, standing in front of the door poised to enter but his own demons and fears holding him back. Muscles tense, shoulders bunching and a grimace on his handsome face. Torn between his past and future, one woman living…and one not. A choice had to be made; Tifa was scared of his answer.

Hearing a shaky exhale, one that rattled inside her chest cavity and was expelled through her own open mouth, the door slowly creaked open. Tifa did not move a muscle, lying stiff as a board. She could feel smoke sizzling on her skin as his gaze settled on her. Tifa was alight, burning hot and bright. She could almost feel his touch…until her dream was a reality. Slowly, the man set his fingers against her own warm skin. Her temperature rocketed up as Cloud ran his digits against the length of her arm, stopping just before touching her hand.

"Tifa…" The need in his voice was almost tangible, the soft syllables slipping from his mouth and hitting the air like a dark, ugly thing. It was Tifa's darkest nightmare…and her brightest dream. Her resolve shattered beneath his anvil, eyes with her very lifeblood reflected opening and drawing in electric blue. Tifa witnessed her reflection in rapidly darkening hues. Wanton…needy…desperate. Tifa was a whore, a whore for this man who ravaged her soul mercilessly as he took her body. It made Tifa sick to her stomach and yet…her very essence screamed for him.

" _Tifa_." Cloud, the great Hero in every legend and story, begged Tifa to let him in, to let him plunder her. The best thief in Midgar and he did not even know it. Somewhere, the gods were shaking their heads. _Another child lost in a sea of torment and darkness…a victim of humanity and loss._

Tifa was a master at hand-to-hand combat, a martial artist of the highest rank and caliber. She could draw a profession from her skills and make ten times the salary she drew in from the bar. But she knew no defense, no block, against that silken voice paired with that expression of such pain and lost to the world. Tifa was the only comfort Cloud could get; maybe she was a masochist after all.

With a groan tore from her throat, Tifa spread her arms apart wide and bared herself to the molten gaze. Cloud sobbed in relief, the sound of a slave being freed from those holding over him. Finally, he was the master.

Cloud fell upon Tifa, the wolf capturing the lamb. His weight was heavy and oppressing, burning hot and seeming to draw the oxygen from Tifa's deprived lungs. She was swimming in the ocean with no lifejacket; kisses were peppered along the column of her throat. They burned like a brand.

Hands slithered down her body, grasping and kneading and rolling and sliding, sliding down. Her clothes are ripped off and thrown away, unwanted and unneeded. Cloud does not draw his head back and let his eyes wander the flawless perfection that is Tifa's body (the words of men, not Tifa), did not make her swoon with a platitude of the most romantic, cliché words a woman expected of an act such as this. He was not making love to her after all, not her.

Rough fingers pinched and pulled at her nipples, twisting until her slight moans turned into pained whimpers. He hefted her heavy breasts, full and pale. The man did not pay their due attention, merely a slight distraction in a sea of boredom. Hot pants sounded right beside Tifa's ear, his lips not even trying to muffle the small sounds Tifa could not even try to contain. She hated letting any pleasure show; it only humiliated her in the morning when everything dissipated into nothingness. _Just like Cloud._

Cloud's chest was bare, the fevered skin meeting her own contracting muscles and leaving a sweaty mark joining their bodies. Small blonde hairs sparsely coated his chest and arms, a small trail leading down until being cut off by his pants. That and his boxers flew off, meeting her own plain white panties. Tifa no longer wore slightly expensive silk; he would not appreciate and they would only be a testament to how one-sided it all was when she finds them in dawn's first light.

Cloud spreads her open, strength in his actions. His member is standing tall, hard like steel. A buster sword in its own right. He positions it just outside her, readying to penetrate. With a sound ripped from his chest, animalistic like his fucking, the blonde rears back and plunges in. Tifa bows her back, a sacrifice of her own.

Mercilessly, Cloud moves back and forth in a tale Tifa's body knew when she was born twenty-four years ago. Like a boat rocking on rough seas, trying to stay above water. Cloud went deeper and deeper, leaving no area untouched. Tifa kept her eyes closed shut, not wanting to see his eyes. His eyes would always betray him, no matter what.

A coiling started low in her belly, spreading like wildfire through her veins. The plague assailed her sense, taking everything but her sense of touch. Tifa could hear nothing, see nothing. Nothing but her own future rapidly gaining distance. _This is it. The finale._

The force of her orgasm is strong and violent, washing her away with the tide. Gasping and clawing, writhing and turning as Tifa tries to ground herself in reality. The fighter used to be an idealist before the ugly truth of life stole it away leaving a shell behind. Two breaths become one, slowly powering down as Tifa found her rock to stand on. Fearing what she'd see, ruby red eyes slowly open.

Cloud is lying above her, still sheathed inside. His mouth is open in an "O", blonde spikes branching out in every direction and wet from sweat. Though his body was still tense, a look of peace and relaxation had melted away the hardness of his face. He looked ten years younger. For a brief moment, Tifa feels hope blossom in her chest. Maybe tonight would be the night, maybe Cloud would wake and feel reality. The veil would be lifted and the blind could finally see. She hoped…and she lost.

 _"Aerith. Aerith…"_ Fuck. That hurt more than she cared to admit, and more than she promised she would feel when this happened. _Just like every other time._

 _I am a fucking idiot._

A month passes and the limp from that last night of sex had faded weeks before. The cut on her hand was a faint pink, the tissue rewired. Her body fixed itself; why couldn't her heart?

Tifa told herself she was over her feelings. The next time Cloud pulled his shit, Tifa would stand her ground. She was not a toy, a play-thing to be discarded like week old trash. S _he was a woman, a fighter._ A fucking coward in reality. Tifa wiped harder at the table, polishing the invisible speck of dirt that marred the otherwise pristine marble. Damn it, she sure needed a drink right about now.

About the time the thought of alcohol sounded really appealing, the bell on the door tinkled. Tifa twitched slightly, not moving her head. She knew who it was, could already feel his heartbeat and smell his masculine scent. The door closed with a thud behind him, nearly steeling her resolve.

Sending up a prayer to the heavens that were, Tifa slowly turned around. Cloud stood a mere few feet before her, his eyes a cloudy haze. Tifa slumped, knowing that glazed look. He was gone in his memories yet again. Did he ever truly leave?

Cloud reached out his hand towards Tifa, eyes bright and otherworldly. Slowly he stepped forward. The desperation shining in every line of his face was palpable. Tifa clenched her jaw, swallowing her feelings. They burned all the way down. Her expression twisted at the blatant yearning he emitted. His lips moved slowly, teasingly. It felt like Tifa had cotton in her ears, or maybe she was underwater.

"Aerith…"

 _Of course_. Tifa closed her eyes, brow furrowing slightly in her distress and despair. She bit her tongue hard, a sharp copper taste burst in a colorful spectrum on her tongue. The fighter had to fight to keep her emotions in check. She swallowed again, a lump an unwilling prisoner in her throat. Her voice was strained and husky, slithering out into the air a breath later.

"No, Cloud. It's Tifa." Oh how her heart positively ached.

Cloud blinked confusedly, tilting his head left and right and holding out his hand in supplication. "…Teef?"

Tifa looked away from the beautiful blues that so haunted her every waking moment. Her heart lurched in her chest, puttering weakly on its last legs. Tifa felt trapped; claustrophobic. The martial artist could not breathe. A roaring sound fell on her vulnerable head, pounding in her ears without mercy or care.

Yeah, that's right Cloud. I am not perfect little Aerith you keep whispering about, dreaming about. Aerith had Zack; a good, funny, handsome soldier with a promising future. Zack was Aerith's soulmate. Why does she get him and you still go after her?

Confusion slowly cleared, leaving dull and listless blue. He is disappointed you do not have soft green eyes and light brown hair, bouncy and full of life. You are not _her_ , and he does not want you.

It _hurts_.

 _You don't want to hurt me,  
But see how deep the bullet lies.  
Unaware I'm tearing you asunder.  
Ooh, there is thunder in our hearts._

 _Is there so much hate for the ones we love?  
Tell me, we both matter, don't we?  
You, it's you and me.  
It's you and me won't be unhappy.~~_ "Running Up That Hill by Placebo

Tifa stares at her reflection in the mirror, sees the bruises invisible to all others. But she always saw, saw the handprints that perfectly resembled Cloud. Tifa saw the bite-mark's that marred precious pale flesh. She looked like a monster, patches of her mixed with a pathetic coward _. If this is what love looks like, it can go bother someone else._

 _Liar._

 _You crave the pain, crave the depravity of a love so blatantly one-sided a babe could see it._

 _Fuck off, you._

Tifa looked at her long, silky hair. Dark as night, a pride and joy of her father's. _You have your mother's hair, stryker. You have my eyes…you are gonna be a knockout someday. You will break your father's heart._ If only he knew how much her own heart was breaking…he had always like Cloud, had hoped the intelligent young boy would grow into a man worthy of his precious daughter. Cloud would have been that man, had Sephiroth not ruined everything.

Tifa sees a man, taller than Cloud and possessing a shock of black hair pointed into a disarray of spikes. His eyes were a blue just a hint darker than Cloud's, but only just. The main difference was the smile painted on his handsome face. Cloud never smiled that big, that unreserved. Zack's death had spelled the death of Cloud and marked the birth of Cloud Strife. Tifa loathed Cloud Strife, the man who killed _her_ Cloud.

Tifa imagined taking a pair of scissors to her hair, chopping it all off until it lay in a heap upon the floor. Just like her hopes and dreams. A new look…a new life. Tifa could just pack her bags and run; run far away and never look back. Her legs itched to do just that, her arms reaching for salvation. But the kids…the bar. She couldn't…could she?

 _No_.

Tifa held her arm back with all her strength, literally fighting against herself. She could not just up and leave, uproot her roots and become a nomad. She certainly could not live in another place, not without getting itchy and leaving. No, Tifa could not leave Midgar and the memories behind.

Maybe…maybe one day Cloud would realize the truth staring him in the face. Maybe Cloud would see that she was the one that always stood by his side, that she alone bled for him. Aerith may have been a sacrifice, but Tifa gave of herself every day for his cause. Aerith died once; Tifa died every day. Maybe the soldier would quit dreaming of a healer and start dancing with a weary war.

 _Maybe_.

 _That's a lot of maybe's. Tifa decided she hated that word._

 _And she craved it._

 _I can't compete with a ghost…_

 _But I_ _ **am**_ _becoming one._

 _And if I only could,  
I'd make a deal with God,  
And I'd get him to swap our places,  
Be running up that road,  
Be running up that hill,  
With no problems._

 _If I only could  
Be running up that hill  
With no problems_


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Well…as depressing as this is I am really enjoying it. As much as I love CloTi together and I wished nothing hurt, I think the reality of it would be a little different. I do think Cloud loves Tifa, he is just so involved in being Zack's legacy that he is _becoming_ Zack. It is sad and hurts but sometimes you need to let a person go. I did not plan on continuing this but this chapter would not leave me be. If you guys want a final third part, let me know in either a PM or reviews. If you do, I will continue.

 _On your knees again, huh Lockhart? Keep it up and you might have a new job title._

Even in her own head, the words were harsh and hollow, full of derision and self-hatred. What a joke she had become, morphing into one of those stereotypical women who bent their legs for a man. _But…this is Cloud. He loves me._

 _Yeah…right._

 _The icing on the cake, the lie Tifa had been feeding herself in the months following Aerith's death at Sephiroth's hands. She could still see that ghastly long sword plunging in the woman's chest, watch those pretty green eyes darken over as she succumbed to the call of death. Nobody could defy that summoning, not even precious Aerith._

But…Aerith was your friend too. She was nice and sweet and so very full of compassion. She was everything Tifa wasn't…and that was the problem.

 _I bet Aerith would never have done this. See this, Cloud? Feel what I am doing to you, the pleasure I am giving you without regard for my own? This is how m love looks. Aerith would never have been able to take you all in, could not mask the disgust as she tasted your seed. I hate this, hate doing this…everything about this. But for you I am doing it. Doesn't that count for something?_

Cloud would continue to thrust shallowly, his breathing quickening as Tifa took him in her mouth over and over again. The length choked her, burned her throat but still she persevered. Cloud never asked for this, never once made her believe he wanted it. Until she finally took him first in hand, then in mouth. Then Cloud sang like a bird. _Take that, Aerith_.

Tifa felt the stirrings of pride in her stomach, a pride born of servicing her man and knowing she was doing well. Cloud's hand was deep in her hair, tugging and pulling her closer but not to the point of pain. She would make him forget his troubles; make him forget the alias he had devised for himself when Zack died.

 _Somehow he has got it in his head that he is Zack. Cloud Strife is slowly disappearing as he tries so hard to follow his shoes. Oh Cloud, can't you see that being his living legacy was never supposed to be like this? Zack did not want this, not in the least. What shame he must be feeling now. The pity. And Aerith…_

 _I am a horrible friend. Forgive me, Aerith. Forgive my resentment, forgive my pain and anger. Forgive me Maker for I have sinned._

The guilt would churn in her stomach but when Cloud came, trembling and boneless and satisfied, the name torn from his lips would make her feelings explode full force again. _I am NOT Aerith. Don't you remember my name? Can't you feel the difference? I am the one still here!_

 _I'm still here…._

 _But you're not._

Tifa found herself in front of the mirror once again. She saw the bags underneath her eyes, saw the normal beautiful red of her eyes had faded to look like a mixture of rust and dried blood. Even her hair seemed limp and lifeless. This was not healthy, this was not right.

 _This is not love._

 _She had tried so hard, tried to give Cloud the time he needed following the traumatic deaths of both his friends. Zack had saved his life, had died for him and the cause. Freedom. Zack was his brother in everything but blood and the way Cloud cherished his buster sword was evidence of that fact. But why Aerith? Why fall for her? Cloud knew she was Zack's intended. Zack planned on marrying her. If memory serves, he had even bought a ring and pocketed it with plans on asking her when he returned. Why then would Cloud want his friend's girl?_

 _You'll be my living legacy._

 _Cloud is emulating Zack, truly living him and doing as he would. Including falling in love with Aerith Gainsborough._

It was almost understandable, and Tifa could almost empathize. But when would Cloud wake up and realize that he completely misconstrued Zack's meaning? The blonde was self-destructing in the worst way possible and his disease was starting to rub off on Tifa. Tifa loved Cloud, had since they were young and impressionable and dreams of glory pranced in their minds. But Cloud was slowly changing Tifa, making her into someone she wasn't. Tifa was a strong woman but even she had a breaking point. The martial artist was at that point, and she could not keep bottling up her feelings. All it would take was one more mistake on his part, one more mention of _her_ name. One more reminder that Tifa was not enough.

" _Aerith_ …" _Again. Fucking again._ Cloud had come home after another long leave of absence, hesitated at her door and pleaded with his eyes for her to take away his pain. Her love drew him in and made him feel like the man he was supposed to be. _Coward_.

He had actually stayed the night, settled his body next to hers. Tifa, trembling and shaking, laid her head on his broad chest and listened to the steady thrum of his heartbeat. _Thump, thump, thump_. His heart never lied, never fabricated the evidence of his desire or emotions. In his heart he loved her, in his heart he knew she was Tifa and Aerith was Zack's. The real Zack. _He knew_.

But apparently his mind did not get the memo.

Tifa froze when she heard him mumble her name in his sleep, an arm lazily winding around her body as he nuzzled her head. Seeking warmth, like a kitten. Tifa felt sadness suck away any dredges of happiness, her body left feeling frayed and like a livewire. A burning started behind her eyes, falling over. _Bleeding_. Some wounds could never be healed and Tifa was starting to realize that this one…there was not a bandage large enough.

Slowly, Tifa slid out from under the blonde man. He made a sound of protest, curling in on her side. A large hand fell on her pillow, right where her head had been. Tifa stared at the hand, feeling dead. Cloud's body knew her, his soul knew that theirs was linked. They were meant to be, supposed to be. _Destined to be_. But destiny worked in mysterious ways and that bitch had fucked her over. The brunette mapped Cloud's face, taking in the smooth lines and relaxed jaw. His beautiful blue eyes were closed; Tifa wished she could see them one last time. Those attractively ridiculous blonde spikes, soft and wonderful.

Tifa turned, padding over to stand before the buster sword. Nude, she bent down and kneeled. Her knees were raw and pink from kneeling for an hour earlier when she was "helping" Cloud. She looked at the symbol of freedom, the symbol of a legacy left behind too early.

 _The symbol of my shattered life_.

Slowly, she bent forward until her forehead touched the cool metal. Her lids fluttered, closing as she prayed. She prayed Zack and Aerith had passed over fine, were enjoying their new and permanent time together. She prayed for Cloud to regain his memories and become a better man, a man that was all Strife and less Fair. But more importantly….she prayed for herself.

 _Let me move on…let me find true happiness._

As Tifa slipped on her clothes, she sent a quick message to Barrett. Denzel and Marlene were with him for now, spending time with the gentle giant. The kids would be sad, but they were better off without her. Without Cloud. There sickness, their problems, should not be seen by the kids. Maybe one day they would forgive her actions and understand why she had to do what she did. If she did not go, did not leave everything she once knew behind…

 _She'd be dead in a month._

 _By her hand._

Tifa lingered in the doorway, hand on the edge. Hand tightening slightly, her face turned back towards Cloud. She wanted to go to him, kiss him on the cheek, the nose…the lips. She wanted to bury herself in his strong arms and kiss his jaw, run her fingers through that damned gorgeous hair. She wanted to dig into his chest and pull out his heart, heal the fractured organ and make him right again. _She wanted_ …

 _She needed to leave right now._

With that, Tifa slowly left the bar she had given everything for, the home she had lovingly cared for years. She left the man who had taken her heart long ago and had never bothered to give it back, even when his love was confused with another. She left the memories that constantly plagued her behind, trailing behind her like a bad nightmare.

 _I'm free._

 _Is this what freedom looks like? Is this…the price of freedom?_

One day, maybe the price would be worth the sacrifice.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I had planned on this being the last chapter…but I am having way too much fun with these characters and story. This chapter is far more light-hearted than the last, and hopefully you will find it as funny as I did. I had not originally planned for this story to be anything more than angst and maybe a sweet ending. But I ended up introducing quite a few other FF characters into this and will continue to incorporate them into later chapters. I am not sure how many more I will do, but there will be two more for sure. Thank you to all the reviewers and people who have taken the time out of their day to read this story. It means a lot guys! Special thanks to **Rumia35** for the extremely thoughtful and interesting review!

 **3 Years Later**

"Hey Tifa, you wanna go grab some drinks later? Everyone's going to be there, even Light. You know how much of a pain it is to get her to let loose; please come, if only to keep her from murdering people."

Tifa laughed, knowing there was more than a kernel of truth in Snow's words. The fighter suspected that the blonde giant was more worried about the pinkette beating him to a bloody pulp than a random citizen. The Cocoonian had grown more tolerant of her brother-in-law but she still was not his biggest fan. Mostly because he tried to hug her.

"Alright Snow, I will be there. We would not want Lightning kicking your butt too bad, would we?"

"Haha, laugh it up." The blonde smiled, knowing he was found out. He was a colossal man but his heart was just as big. Serah was a lucky woman.

Tifa exchanged a smile with Snow before glancing down at her watch. "Oops, sorry Snow…I gotta get back to work. My lunch will end soon and even though Quistis is lenient with me I do not want to take advantage."

Snow nodded, his shaggy blonde hair waving slightly. The man grinned, winking slightly. "That's because Ms. Trepe is hoping you will do more for her than just teach her self-defense. She knows she will never find a better martial arts instructor for Balamb Garden."

Tifa blushed slightly, scoffing at her friend. "I knew Serah was influencing you. I know she has it in her end Quistis is interested in me but I am telling you she is wrong! Quistis is the headmistress; she is just being friendly!"

"She tried to give you a rose until she found out you were allergic."

Tifa winced. Yeah, that had not been a fun day of instruction. Who the hell is allergic to roses anyway? That is like saying you are allergic to romance.

"Hey, it could be worse. Serah could be trying to pair you with Yuna's friend Zell again, or with Lightning. Oh man, do you remember how sis turned red and threatened to punch everyone, even Serah?"

Tifa was surprised Lightning had not hit everyone, except maybe Serah. Lightning was even worse at dating than herself, but at least Tifa had a very good reason to stay away from all things romance. Lightning…well, was just Lightning. When Serah had seen how quickly Light had bonded with Tifa, the younger Farron had immediately concocted a plan to get them together. Of course Light did not react favorably. Tifa loved Lightning, but she could never give her heart to the woman. Cloud was still very much in Tifa's heart and though she was happy now…she still felt like she was missing her heart, her other half.

Unbeknownst to Serah, Lightning had already confessed (albeit in a rare drunken stupor one night) that she liked Noctis Caelum, a fellow Guardian Corps soldier. In fact, Noctis was actually heir to Caelum Industries, a multi-billionaire company created by Phoenix Caelum, Noctis's father. The other soldiers had taken to calling Noctis "Prince" because of his future inheritance, much to his chagrin. He was down to earth and incredibly kind. Tifa could easily see why the handsome soldier had caught the eye of her friend. Now if she could just get Lightning to admit it to Noctis…

"You are incorrigible. Serah is influencing you too much, I see. I will see you guys later at the bar. I may be a little late though…"

Snow shrugged, a charming grin on his handsome features. "It's okay, it will give us time to drag Light there anyway. I will tell Lebreau to get your usual ready."

Tifa smiled gratefully. "Thank you Snow! I will see you later!"

With a final wave, Tifa walked back to her job before her lunch was officially up. She needed to set an example for the students after all.

"I hope everyone has a good weekend! Be safe, everyone. And keep practicing those kicks for Monday!"

"Bye Miss Lockhart!" "Have a good day, ma'am!" "See you on Monday!"

Tifa smiled fondly at her departing class. These kids were all great. Very dedicated and intelligent, they had filled the void that had resided where her heart was when she first came to Cocoon. She had thought briefly about moving to Costa del Sol but she knew Cloud would probably look there first. _If he even bothered…._

However, making the decision to come here had been a spot of brilliance. She remembered the place from a vacation she took long ago with her parents before her father died and she lost the allure of travel. Tifa had always wanted to see the world, to broaden her horizons and see something other than Midgar. Cocoon was a prosperous, bustling city located on the furthermost edge of Galbadia, a country known for its advanced technological advances and gorgeous scenery. It made Costa del Sol look paltry in comparison. It was huge and, the best part, very far from Midgar.

Tifa had kept her location a secret from all of her old friends, even Barrett. She kept in close contact with the man and the kids. Tifa missed Denzel and Marlene dearly; she had to make dozens of apologies and heartfelt promises that she still loved them before they would actually talk to her again. They asked of her often and wanted her to visit but…she just could not yet. Cloud was never brought up, not after that first time.

 _Cloud is beside himself, Teef. I have never seen that man cry, not even when Aerith died. He just ain't the type. But when he woke and noticed you were gone, that the sheets were cold? That you left no note…he bawled. Bawled like a baby and begged me to tell him where you was headed. I told him I did not know but he would not believe me. Tifa, I know what he has been doing to you is wrong and hell, you know I have wanted to punch that empty head of his for a while now. But this…this is not solving anything. You can't just run from your problems. Eventually, they catch up and you cannot run anymore._

Tifa remembered the conversation word for word. She dearly wanted to forget and forgive, to give Cloud another chance but how did she know he would change? Cloud was not just merely hurting her; he was _destroying_ her. No, no matter what she felt or how much she burned for him and his love, she would not subject herself to that. It was not fair to her or the kids having to live under a roof with two people who were not even fit to take care of each other. Tifa may have regretted letting Cloud go, but she did not regret leaving. Eventually her heart would have to move on too…right?

 _Nope, we aren't going down this road. What's done is done; it has been three years. If Cloud felt anything at all for me, it is surely gone by this point. Get over it, Tifa._

The martial artist bent down to gather her clothes. For her exercises she wore a traditional gi uniform, except in her case it was jet black with silver embroidery. Her rank was emblazoned on the left breast. Her casual attire had changed over the years just like herself. She still wore a sleeveless top, except now the entire sides were cut off exposing her toned sides, arms, and a sneak preview of her stomach. Black pants similar to her gi no covered her legs instead of a makeshift skirt, with a small silver chain dangling down. Her boots remained the only staple connecting her to the old Tifa Lockhart. Even her hair was shorter, now about chest level instead of to the lower back. One single strand of red was marked in her hair, a physical representation of her new life. That and the wolf tattoo she had on her right shoulder. It matched Cloud's own emblem perfectly. It was the one thing Tifa allowed herself to be foolish about. Cloud may not be there and she most likely would never see him again, but he would always be with her in heart, body and soul.

Soft footsteps piqued Tifa's interest and interrupted her thoughts. The woman lifted her head up, meeting cool blue eyes and a winning smirk. _Quistis._ The headmistress stood in the doorway, hands folded demurely behind her back. Long, flowing golden locks fell in a waterfall down the curve of her back, framing her porcelain face. The woman was all elegance and beauty, none of the awkwardness of youth. Tifa envied her sometimes.

"Hello Ms. Lockhart. Your last class just ended, did it not?"

Tifa nodded, wondering why the woman was asking the question. She was the headmistress. Of course she would know when Tifa got out.

"Yes headmistress, my students just left not even ten minutes ago. Why, is there something you needed?"

Quistis shook her head slightly, appraising Tifa from hooded eyes. Tifa felt a shiver go down her spine. The way the blonde was looking at her now…it reminded her of the lecherous men who had gazed at upon her body her whole life. Maybe Snow was on to something after all. _Maybe I am just too oblivious for my own good._

"Actually Tifa, I do have something to ask you. However, this is of a more…personal nature. I was wondering if we might perhaps speak in…private?"

 _Oh holy hell._ Tifa watched as a supine tongue slithered out of Quistis's mouth, licking her lips. Her face burned hot from a blush, trying not to make it look like she was retreating from the woman. After all, Quistis was her boss. _My boss who looks like she is fixing to eat me…oh shit, why did I have to think about that?!_

"Uhh…um…I suppose? I mean…it will n-not take long, right? I have somewhere I n-need to be…very soon."

That damnable smirk was back in place. Tifa felt those blue eyes sear her body, making her nervously edge a tad bit further. Maybe she should call for help? Would that work against a headmistress…who also happened to have magic? _Oh fuckbasket._

"Oh, it will not take very long Lockhart. I am usually very quick at these sort of impromptu meetings. Experience and all, you understand."

 _Uh huh. Yeah, okay._ Tifa dumbly followed Headmistress Trepe, feeling like she could really use that alcohol about now. Hopefully her quick reflexes would come in handy. Crap, would Quistis tie her up and hold her prisoner? Quistis had always had a bit of a crazy side to her. Kinky was what some of the other professors termed it as.

 _"Before Rinoa came here and got the position of head school healer, Quistis was interested in me and I ended up finding out. I thought what the hell and I asked her out on a date. Words cannot express the horror I endured during the hour I put up with her. Quistis was not headmistress then; she merely taught positions and how to use mana effectively. I never knew there were so many euphemisms for mana or the "sexual exploitations" that could come of it. But Quistis was very happy to volunteer…"_

Tifa shuddered as she remembered Leon's words. Squall Leonhart was a serious man who had been employed at the school since he graduated nearly fifteen years before. He was one of the lead weapons trainers and had amassed quite a following of fans, especially young girls and even a few of the female staff. However, it was well known he was happily married to Rinoa, a beautiful and kind woman who had saved countless people through her skills. Many of her students ended up very successful in their medicinal careers. So when Leon said Quistis was bad, Tifa had little choice but to take his words to heart.

Tifa could only hope Quistis had something else in mind to do besides the amorous ones Snow and Serah had in mind. And to think I defended the woman to Leon and told him she had changed… _how do I get myself in these situations?_

He was getting close to Cocoon now. It had taken nearly a week to get here from Midgar but the drive and the countless sleepless nights the past three years were worth it if everything went like he was hoping. It had taken a long time to figure out where Tifa had been living since leaving him in the bed with not even a word. Cloud had looked into himself long and hard following the departure, realizing he had fucked up royally. He had misconstrued everything and became someone he wasn't, pushing away the true love of his life. His guilt over failing to save his friend had broken something within him and Cloud had felt so terrible for so long. But everything had changed; he had changed.

Cloud had pleaded with Barrett to let him know where Tifa was, needing to hear her sweet voice and hold her in his arms once again. He would never let go, not anymore. But Barrett had no idea where the dark-haired fighter was and neither did Denzel or Marlene. Both of them had finally forgiven his misdeeds, asking for the warrior to bring their girl back to Midgar where she belonged. Cloud had every intention of doing so and swore to them he would find Tifa and make things right.

Cloud had been all over the countryside, searching every town and city in futile desperation. He was almost sure she would be in Costa del Sol but of course that would have been too obvious. It was Tifa's own mother who had the bright idea of Cocoon being her hideout.

 _"Tifa used to love vacationing there…she said it was her favorite. The look of wonder on her face…her father loved to see that look of wonder in those beautiful red eyes. So much like his…I would wager that is where she is Cloud. Please; bring my baby back home. Treat her right this time, young man. You really broke her last time."_

Cloud was lucky to get Mrs. Lockhart's blessing after he affirmed her belief in him. She had been so disappointed when her daughter had called crying and saying she was sorry but had to get away from it all. Tifa had not even been to visit in three years, too scared to run into the man she still loved despite his flaws. The Lockharts had always treated him like the son they never had and Cloud had always appreciated it before he lost himself and lost sight of the rare blessing he had been given.

Cloud had immediately grabbed Fenrir and his jacket and set off for Cocoon after letting Barrett and the kids know where he was going. The kids had lit up; despite being nearly a pre-teen now, the kids had not grown out of the love they held for their "mother." Tifa had taken wonderful care of them when Cloud had been indisposed and although he had gotten back into their good books, Tifa would never be replaced. Cloud readily agreed as there was no other woman who could take her place. Not in Midgar, not in the entire world. Moving on with another woman never even crossed his mind. The spiky-haired hero could only hope Tifa felt the same.

 _Whatever happens, I have to try. I can't blame her if she has moved on…I dread to see that has already happened. But I love her and she deserves to know it, deserves an apology for hurting her when she was only trying to help me…heal me._

He would find her, and he would save her. It had always been the other way around with them but this time he was going to be the hero Denzel thought him as and bring Tifa home.

 _Nooooooo QuistisXTifa will NOT be happening XD Now, LightningXTifa on the other hand….^_~_


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: This chapter was a surprise for me. I had planned on continuing where we left off last chapter, but a review from **Guest** got me thinking. I personally really, really love Cloud and I adore the CloTi pairing. I always thought their relationship was hauntingly beautiful. So far I have written on Tifa's feelings and shown her perspective but I like showing two sides of a coin. As **Guest** said in his/her review, Cloud is very misunderstood in the series. He should have communicated with Tifa and his friends more and actually talked about what was bothering him, but how often does that truly happen in real life? Cloud is as much a victim as Tifa, and this chapter is going to highlight that fact. This is going to be not only a Cloud-centric chapter, but also a flashback. I hope you all enjoy, especially you **Guest**.

The room was pitch black; Cloud could see nothing, not even his own hand waving in front of his face. Squinting, trying to see despite knowing it was impossible, Cloud slowly sat up. He groaned, holding his head. He felt something sticky, something…wet. _Blood_. It was matted into his blonde spikes, congealing and coating his face. He felt dizzy and sick to his stomach, the contents rolling and thrashing around inside him just waiting to be let free.

Bracing himself with one hand, Cloud pushed with all of his strength. The muscles in the strong arms spasmed, and Cloud just barely caught his own weight before his face could slam into the floor. It was cold and hard…maybe concrete? There were no chains around his wrists, nothing chaining him to his surroundings. The air was bitterly cold though, like one would expect of a jail cell or even underground. But…why would he be in either place? Last time he checked, he was with…with…who was he with again?

Think Cloud…use that brain Tifa always teases you about. _Tifa_. Yes…he had been with Tifa. But what were they doing? Training maybe? Talking about deliveries or the bar…the kids? Cloud just could not think straight, his mind abuzz with something akin to white noise. Everything was a blank slate and even his memories were hard to decipher through. _What is wrong with me?_ He got the sneaking suspicion that particular sentence was one he constantly asked himself. _Am I…crazy?_

Cloud tried to lift himself again, groaning as his muscles protested the harsh treatment. Using every bit of his inner strength and fortifying his core, Cloud pushed down hard. It was slow going, but Cloud was finally able to get his footing and inch his way up. The blonde blindly reached his hand out, catching what felt like a wall. He bent over low, wheezing hard as he tried to catch a breath. _Why do I feel so drained?_

Suddenly, a bright white light shut on and illuminated the entire room. Cloud quickly shut his eyes as searing pain exploded behind them. The warrior slowly opened his eyes after a few seconds, letting them adjust to the overly bight light. There was…nothing? He turned his head, taking in his surroundings. There was literally nothing around him, just encroaching darkness on all sides. All except that light that was shining. _What the hell?_

 _Cloud…did you miss me?_

Cloud's head snapped up, nearly causing him whiplash. His blood ran cold beneath the pale skin, seeming to freeze over. That voice…it had haunted his every thought for years now. Dark…sinister…full of bloodlust and topped off with sin so sweet and poisonous. Sephiroth. _No no no no_ ….

Cloud tried to straighten his body up, whether to fight or escape he did not know, but before he even had the chance to act the floor fell out underneath him. "Woooooaaaaahh!" Shattered glass fell all around him, looking achingly beautiful as it caught the line as he fell among the shards. The soldier felt the wind sting his cheeks, sweet burning in the cuts he had procured somehow. Cloud waited to fall, to hear the sickening sounds of his own bones snapping and crunching, the sound of his head splitting open. He was familiar with the sound, having witnessed death many times before. They say your life flashes before your eyes as you near death. All he felt was empty and cold and weightless… the first time that particular feeling had touched him in ages. Imminent death was a kindness.

The feeling of cold air stopped and so did the sensation of free-falling. Cloud blinked, his blue orbs widening as he took in the new scenery. It was Nibelheim as it was when he was younger and before he joined Shinra's forces and his future was changed drastically. Cloud had almost forgotten just how beautiful the place could be, how much it felt like home. _Home…_ it was not a word he used to associate a place any longer. Seventh Heaven was about the closest that had ever come to it but even then it was a bar, a job. Denzel and Marlene deserved better than living there, and so did Tifa.

All the houses looked the same, the sloping and slanted roofs and rusty red and grey bricks used by the people. It was like he had stepped back in time before he had become a real soldier's legacy. He was just a young boy with childish dreams, unaware of the utter hell he and his friends would be dropped in later in his life.

"Cloud! Hey, Cloud! C'mon chocobo head!"

Cloud spun around at the young voice. It was Tifa…only younger. His eyes were drawn to a little tomboy with mischief swirling in crimson depths. Cloud had thought she was talking to him, but her gaze was drawn towards the right. Feeling a lump in his throat, he slowly turned around only to be confronted with…himself.

It was not the child he expected to see. Instead of a young boy with wild spikes, it was him from just before Aerith died. He was even wearing a soldier outfit. The man smirked, his blue eyes chilling and colder than ice.

"Ah…the great and 'powerful' Cloud Strife finally decided to show up. Took you long enough."

Cloud stepped back, face pale as the specter of his former self slowly walked closer. "What…what are you doing here?"

The other Cloud just laughed, a smirk appearing on his handsome visage. "Hahaha, that is a good one Cloud. I'm you, remember?"

A headache pounded deep in Cloud's temple. He felt…dizzy, disoriented. "I left you behind! You aren't me anymore…I'm a changed man!"

"Denial is not a good look for you my friend. You see, no matter how far you run, no matter how far you travel or how many years pass by…I will always be a part of you. I am your past, present and future. Just look at him."

Cloud looked over to see another version of him, albeit much younger. He had a large smile on his unblemished face, his gaze riveted on the beautiful girl beside him. Seeing himself and Tifa looking so happy caused a pain in the real Cloud's chest.

"You could have still had that, you know. You and Tifa were destined to be. You know, all that 'stars are aligned' crap. But then you went and fell for a woman whose heart belonged to another. A woman who is now dead. You had it all…and you gave it up for a mere memory."

Cloud shook his head furiously. "No…I'd never forsake Tifa! She's…she is my everything."

"Then why have you kept her at arm's length? Why weren't you honest with her about what you felt? Why did you never tell her the truth…you were scared of hurting her. You were scared to get close only to break her heart or worse…Sephiroth killing her like he did Aerith. You were never truly in love with Aerith, only what she stood for. To you she was healing and freedom from what binds you in chains. But you were wrong. Aerith is a part of your salvation, but she is not the key ingredient. Aerith was always Zack's key to salvation. You need redemption and the only one who holds that…well. That is if she will be with you. The hell you put her through? Not likely."

Cloud shook his head, fear traveling his system and forcing him to his knees. "No…no, I can't lose her. She'll…she will understand. Tifa knows how hard this has been for me. She has always understood me better than anyone else. Tifa knows I love her…I-I just need time."

The shadow Cloud just shook his head in mock pity. "And you thought you were a soldier? As if. It has been years since Aerith died, Strife. Tifa has stood patiently by your side all that time, even when it crushed her heart. You say you need healing; when will you draw the line? When will Tifa? Aerith's death was not your fault but Tifa? She's on _you_."

"Oh, I don't know about that one Cloud. I think I may do the honors on that."

 _Oh no._

 _Sephiroth…_

"Did you really think getting rid of me would be that easy? That curing the geostigma would make you whole again? No my friend…it was only the beginning."

The tall ex-Soldier stood tall and otherworldly. An ethereal light surrounded his body, turning his silver hair more of a satin color. His infamous sword, the one used to kill Aerith, twirled in his right hand.

"You see Cloud, I might be dead but I will never truly be gone. You and I…we have a connection. We are bound by more than blood and body. I am in your memories and that is something not easily discarded. The best part of all this? I did not even have to lift a finger. You are the one destroying your life this time. I just get to reap the benefits."

"Cloud!"

Cloud turned his head at his name, the familiar voice cracking something inside of him. "Tifa?!" Tifa as she was in the present stood there, her red eyes wide with fear and panic.

"Stay away from Cloud, Sephiroth! You can't hurt him anymore!"

"On the contrary Miss Lockhart…I think I can hurt him very well."

Cloud screamed as Sephiroth appeared behind Tifa, his sword held aloft. "No!" Cloud felt his buster sword materialize in his hand. He ran at his tormentor intent on saving the woman he loved. He was not fast enough.

The blade caught the light as it rammed down. The sharp blade pierced Tifa through the heart, a telling difference from Aerith's own demise. Blood spattered the floor and the tip of the blade protruding from the woman's chest. Tifa caught Cloud's eyes.

"C-Cloud…I…"

Darkness enveloped Cloud as his vision grew red. "You bastard! Not Tifa….not her!"

"Why are you so upset Cloud? After all, you were the one holding the blade."

The shadow Cloud's voice was whispered in his ear. In horror, he looked up only to see himself holding the sword rammed into Tifa's body. A manic light was in his eyes and a macabre grin complete with a line of blood ran off his chin. Cloud locked eyes with himself.

"This is what you've become Cloud. The hunted has become the hunter."

Cloud's screaming woke himself up. He sat up quickly, wild eyes roving the room. It was the room he shared with Tifa, the other bed already made up. _That's right…Tifa went to bed with me._ Guilt stirred in his stomach as he thought of the night before. Tifa and he did not have sex often, and it always seemed emotionally charged. Cloud resolved to do something nice for the woman, maybe a romantic meal or a night on the town. Tifa deserved being made love to, not a quick fuck that seemed meaningless.

He looked to his side, expecting to see her dark hair spread out like a halo. But Tifa was nowhere to be found. The side she had been sleeping on was not made up. _The side is cold…what time is it exactly?_ The clock on the bedside table read 5:04. Tifa was never up that early. Cloud was the early-riser; Tifa usually got up a little before nine o'clock. _Something is wrong…very wrong._

There was a niggling feeling at the back of his head telling him things were not as they should be. Standing up quickly, his body bared to the elements, he took off downstairs to find Tifa. All the while, an image of himself killing Tifa replayed in his mind.


End file.
